I hear them calling to me again. Those little demons how they cackle to me when the lights go out. How they scream at me while there is nothing there to tune them out. I'd name them but then I'd have to feed them, so I just let them sit outside myself and holler for me to let them inside. I know they vandalize my shelter. I can hear them knocking around leaving marks and symbols of their desires. I sometimes think about lighting a candle and exploring the mess they wreck but I fear they might come inside while I'm out.
Such a ridiculous fear. Everyone has them but mine I sometimes wonder what the devil wants from me. We're all sinners but these demons are powerful, almost as if sent to me for something more than what they are for others.
Today was a day of solace. I know you enjoyed it, the silence may be defining but that familiar hum from the demons is almost relaxing. It has indeed been a day of tranquility - or as tranquil as my world can become. While its been a peaceful day I'm still bitten. These walls are talking to me again. It's alike to when i was at the home country only I can hear the sounds of civilization out the window here. It reminds me that I am indeed alive. Sometimes I miss the old country. I could pretend that I was already off this plane and into the next. Everyone must one day meet this plane though, so unfortunately I go about the charade.
I wonder if it will storm again tonight. The days are warm and the night stained with tears from mother nature. I hear it in the sounds as tears come falling from her majestic sky. Sometimes it is more violent with the bolts breaking up the darkness. This is how she knows that we notice her plight. I have anyways noticed. just as I have noticed she does not grace us in the times of snow with her dancing as the year comes to a close and rebirth. It is a shame, as dear mother has always found a way of consoling me with her nightly dance. I hear the sounds of the wild missing it as I do. Maybe one day these confusing humans will notice what we do as well. maybe then there will be a time of solace instead of industrialization. Perhaps, although such a time has long past and will never return to us again.
I sometimes think about my mutation. As if mother nature wanted me to learn what it meant to be like her before becoming one of her warriors. This could be true. That or I may just be delusional which is also extremely likely. That is what this ramble of thoughts and expression is for. I know you are aware of this but sometimes you need to say it to fully remember. Today I am not thinking about it as prominently. I feel more relaxed in the sense of solitude that such thoughts are gone. It just tempts me to feed those demons. How they scream, and how long I have remembered them. It is almost as if they are like my kinsmen now, perhaps this is why I am so hesitant to silence them. They comfort me, my long standing company to which I know will always be there. Perhaps one day i will meet a human that acts alike to a demon, a succubus or siren to whom which i can not ignore such as these creatures. Perhaps, when the sun goes down and I dream again she will visit me once more, this haunting figure to which I find solitude like I feel right now alone in the dark.
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